Wishes

[draconisregena]

I wish....I wish that I didn't know the statistics for pregnancy and loss. Right now, I wish that I didn't know how difficult it is for the human body to produce and sustain a pregnancy. How many things have to go perfectly to get past even the first set of cell division, much less to grow and implant and be born. I wish that I didn't know when Day 1 of a pregnancy was so that...when I don't start my period and get all hopeful, it wasn't so crushing when I do start 3 weeks later.

I wish I wasn't having to start the whole process over again. I will take another pregnancy test before I start injecting again, but with all the bleeding I've been doing I'm expecting a negative result. I know that 30-45% of fertalized eggs never make it to a sucessful outcome. I can't ignore the statistics, it's basic biology. Right at this moment, I'd be happier being ignorant.

Comments

[draconisregena.livejournal.com]

It does help.
I know intilectually that the world has too many people. That doesn't stop me from wanting one of my own. I've only ever wanted one. I'm already raising one that isn't mine, and I know that my desire to have a child is more a biological drive than a well thought out planned reason. But I still want one. I can raise a child to respect the earth and who knows, maybe he/she will be responsible for the next sustainable energy source or find us a new planet to explore. I'm probably not going to have much impact on the world, but maybe my children can.
What bothers me are the people who have children with no thought to the future, to their partners and to the health of the child. They don't even want them, they just pop them out will ye nill ye, or the people who don't believe in birthcontrol because children are a gift from God.