Wishes

Nov. 23rd, 2011 11:22 pm
draconisregena: (star girl)
[personal profile] draconisregena
I wish....I wish that I didn't know the statistics for pregnancy and loss. Right now, I wish that I didn't know how difficult it is for the human body to produce and sustain a pregnancy. How many things have to go perfectly to get past even the first set of cell division, much less to grow and implant and be born. I wish that I didn't know when Day 1 of a pregnancy was so that...when I don't start my period and get all hopeful, it wasn't so crushing when I do start 3 weeks later.

I wish I wasn't having to start the whole process over again. I will take another pregnancy test before I start injecting again, but with all the bleeding I've been doing I'm expecting a negative result. I know that 30-45% of fertalized eggs never make it to a sucessful outcome. I can't ignore the statistics, it's basic biology. Right at this moment, I'd be happier being ignorant.

Date: 2011-11-24 12:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aztecknight.livejournal.com
* hug *

You know that I am pulling for you. I will not try to offer anything else.

Date: 2011-11-24 06:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] draconisregena.livejournal.com
That last bit puzzles me.

Date: 2011-11-24 11:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aztecknight.livejournal.com
Words. I meant that I would not try to offer any other words because there was nothing more I could say
love you

Date: 2011-11-24 02:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] terrilyn.livejournal.com
*hug*

It took Andrew and his wife four years... be patient!

*snugs*

Date: 2011-11-24 06:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] draconisregena.livejournal.com
I'm tired of being patient. I think I have been patient enough.

Date: 2011-11-24 07:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kareina.livejournal.com
I offer you hugs, which won't help, but it is all I can offer.

It is hard for me to read this because your feelings shine so clear, yet are so at odds with my own reaction to our world. I am one of those who, upon hearing in childhood that we were at nearly 6 billion people that it was Way Too Many (TM) and I couldn't understand then why anyone would ever wish to add even more people into the mix. Now that we have broken 7 billion I am even more mystified, yet still I see people like you who seem to want nothing more than to do just that. It is confusing and troubling to see your pain for not being able to do something I can't understand wanting. Yet I wish for you happiness and an achievement of your dreams.

Date: 2011-11-24 07:27 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] draconisregena.livejournal.com
It does help.
I know intilectually that the world has too many people. That doesn't stop me from wanting one of my own. I've only ever wanted one. I'm already raising one that isn't mine, and I know that my desire to have a child is more a biological drive than a well thought out planned reason. But I still want one. I can raise a child to respect the earth and who knows, maybe he/she will be responsible for the next sustainable energy source or find us a new planet to explore. I'm probably not going to have much impact on the world, but maybe my children can.
What bothers me are the people who have children with no thought to the future, to their partners and to the health of the child. They don't even want them, they just pop them out will ye nill ye, or the people who don't believe in birthcontrol because children are a gift from God.

Date: 2011-11-24 01:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] intendent.livejournal.com
A patient of my FIL just had a child.. she's 45 and had to go to spain to use doner eggs :(

You'll have a baby. I know this in my heart. And I'll cuddle it and we'll all love it. <3

Date: 2011-11-24 03:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aryanhwy.livejournal.com
So sorry to hear it's bad news again. :(

Date: 2011-11-24 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] draconisregena.livejournal.com
It's not precisely bad news since they now know the drug combonation to get me to ovulate. Miscarrying at this early stage means that there was something monumentally wrong with the embryo. Does not lead to a healthy child. Just...dissappointing that I have to start again.

Date: 2011-11-24 05:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aryanhwy.livejournal.com
Good news about getting the right drug cocktail! I hope this bodes well for your next attempt.

Date: 2011-11-24 08:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] draconisregena.livejournal.com
I am cautiously optomistic. I am sure that it will take a few tries to get it right. Speaking purely on the statistics.

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